so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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