we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
