remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
cat food counts as protein by the way
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
