i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
