I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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