don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
