Kiss
Puke
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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