Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
