I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
