You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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