My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
