I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
