So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is Oprah even human
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
