I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
