Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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