we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
