Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
