Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
