so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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