I'm going to rape someone's good day.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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