All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
