john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize