It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
