"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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