Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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