At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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