is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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