You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
