just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
