Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
