end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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