Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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