i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
