I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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