I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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