Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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