you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
