I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
