i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
