Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
