then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize