Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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