Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
