Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
