i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
