watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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