he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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