you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
