Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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