i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
