I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
