when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
