Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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