if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
