Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
