shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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