is your mom at the bar?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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