It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
