we have pet lesbian snakes
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
