i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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