listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
