oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
