just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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