Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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