If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
