Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
being pregnant is like rehab
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
