she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
