I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
