I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
