I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
