my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
