dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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