Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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